We love each other but always quarrel
I have a girlfriend with whom we have been friends since childhood.

We love each other so much but I do not understand why we always have to fight and argue even over small things. Is this normal for people who love each other?
TK

Dear TK,
Sometimes it is inevitable to have some arguments, even in relationships where there is love. However, some conflict or argument may be healthy or unhealthy for the relationship.

Disagreements that involve pointing fingers, passing blame or using abusive language are often unhealthy. It only makes the other person feel hurt and seem the bad one.

Statements like, ‘you are always wrong’, ‘I don’t know why I ever got close to you’, kill the other partner’s self worth.

You realize that the hurt person is likely to respond in the same way and the fight continues.

If you are in such a situation, avoid speaking back, especially when you are angry. The things you say may never be forgotten.

Focus on the issue of disagreement and not on the person. It is important that you respect each other.

It is common to have arguments in any relationship but how you respond to it is what matters. Concentrate on striking a compromise and you will grow in a healthy relationship.

I aborted five years ago but the guilt still reigns in me
Dear Aunt Liz,
While still in school, I got pregnant and aborted because I thought it would interfere with my studies.

It is now five years but I don’t seem to get over it. I am now about to get married and start a family, won’t this interfere with my marriage?
Patra

Dear Patra,
I appreciate your openness. Guilt could probably be the reason for your anxiety as you look forward to getting married.

There is a tendency at this time to keep blaming yourself and it can carry on into your marriage if you do not deal with it. You need to take a bold step to forgive yourself for whatever happened. It is a decision that you need to make from deep within.

You can start from a point of admitting that what you did was wrong. Learn from the mistake and turn a new page.
Have you told your husband-to-be about it?

It could be something to disclose to someone you love and trust. You need all the support you can get at this time. Besides talking about it brings healing because you will be letting yourself free of ill feelings.