Some of the late musician Paul Kafeero’s widows at his burial recently. Such women should think about their children

By Elizabeth Namazzi

WHEN we were all in shock at the deaths of some prominent Ugandans recently, their women were not only weeping for them, but for their children as well.
Top on their list of worries was how to survive as widows with children to raise.

The fact that there were other women and children in the picture simply aggravated their misery and uncertainties. This happens whenever a polygamous man dies. Even when he leaves a will, his widows usually conflict when it comes to property issues.

Naturally, each woman tries to get the biggest portion of the husband’s property regardless of how hard she worked for it.

All this, however, can be avoided if women in polygamous marriages planned ahead of their husbands’ death.

“First of all,” Norah Matovu, the chairperson of the Federation of Uganda Women Lawyers (FIDA) tips, “the most important thing in polygamous marriages is that you be sure about your status in the relationship. Are you in a union under customary marriage or Sharia law? Your status defines what you will achieve.”

Surviving in a polygamous setting is not easy. It requires mature thinking if you are to compete ably with your co-wives. However, the main point is not about competition, but how to get the best for your children. You have to think maturely if you are to achieve this.

Okay, so you are the kind that loves partying at the arm of your man – probably to get your co-wives’ nuggu racing. You love buying new clothes, bags and shoes to compete with your co-wives.

However, Betty Tibaleka, a counsellor with Healing Talk Counselling Services, advises that before you go partying all over the place, you should think about your children’s future. “Do you have enough money stashed away in case your husband dies suddenly? If not, forget this business of going out everyday or milking money from him for new rings and expensive hair dos. If he gives you the money, spend it sparingly and invest the balance.”

When you go shopping, look out for valuable things that you can re-sell in case hard times hit. If he loves spoiling you with expensive presents, persuade him to buy priceless gifts that will last long after he is gone. For instance, insist on valuable jewellery that you can re-sell at a good price.

Be investment oriented. Although some polygamous husbands give property to each wife, some need to be pushed by their wives to make any form of investment.

Matovu tells women to convince their husbands to make investments for the children. Matovu urges women to protect the investments by registering them in their names or the children’s names.

Instead of buying luxurious things, buy cows, company shares and invest in real estate. If you buy land, make sure that you get the titles.

If your husband is the rigid type that needs to be arm-twisted into investing, you can hold off children until he has put up some form of investment for you. Your trick is to insist that you do not want to start a family without a clear vision for them, although this will stand a better chance if he is desperate to father your children.

You should also make your own investments. If you are the first wife, Tibaleka advises that you work with your husband to accumulate wealth.

“Be empowered enough to work and accumulate your own wealth. This will enable you to feed and educate your children after your husband’s death.

If you decide to start a business, go for something you are skilled at. It is better if your husband is not involved in your business. This way, you will be able to run it even after his death,” Tibaleka advises.

Relatives are another issue. First, do not accept a life of secrecy as far as they are concerned. Do whatever it takes to get introduced to your husband’s relatives. This is important, especially if you have children.

Endear yourself to your in-laws and create a web of good relations that cannot be broken by your husband’s death. These relatives will support you in case your children’s clan membership is challenged.

However, Tibaleka warns that some relatives are property grabbers, which is why you should make your own investments.

Acquaint yourself with the law. It will not do you any harm if you seek counsel about the legal technicalities you can evoke when need arises. A visit to organisations like FIDA, Law and Advocacy for Women and the Human Rights Commission will also be beneficial.

Make efforts to legalise your marriage. Legally, a man can marry four wives under the Sharia law, many wives under the customary law and only one wife under the Church law.

If your man is polygamous, organise a customary marriage in accordance with your culture.

f he is a Christian, do all it takes to beat all the other wives to the altar. Livingstone Ssewanyana, a lawyer with Foundation for Human Rights Initiative, says if one of the women beats you to the altar, you can never receive the rights due to a wife.

“If you are not legally married under the customary, church, Sharia or Hindu law, then you are just a mistress or concubine; you cannot be considered a wife. Not even 100 years of co-habiting with this man will make you his wife,” Ssewanyana explains.

“The only hope for a woman in a polygamous marriage is that man settles for customary marriage, which legally upholds polygamy. If he plans to wed another woman in a church ceremony, you can contest that marriage as long as he fulfilled the requirements of a customary marriage. This should be done before he ties the knot since all customary marriages are nullified after the church marriage.”

“Christian marriage does not recognise customary marriages because it is monogamous by nature. This means that the law recognises the wedded wife and if the man dies, all his customarily married wives will be treated as dependants,” Ssewanyana explains.

Given all these legal restrictions, women in polygamous marriages have to watch out for their interests before the man dies. Failure to do this means that all, except the legally married one, will have to introduce themselves as the deceased’s mistress or concubine.

The good news is that being mistress or concubine does not deny your children their rights in the event of their father’s death.

According to The Affiliation Act, your children have every right to receive their allocated share of their father’s property. You can sue anyone who tries to grab it from them.

This means that you must be present during the reading of the will, especially if your children are too young.

“We advise women to make sure their children are not left out when sharing the property. If there is a will, but it is not fair to your children, you can contest it,” Matovu says.

If the will does not mention your children, you can contest it as long as you can prove that they are the deceased’s children. You can also contest the will if your children have not been allocated a fair share of the property.

But through all these battles, do not fall into the trap of confronting and fighting with your co-wives. This is not only damaging to your image, it can cause serious harm to you and your children.

Although you are fighting for what is rightfully yours, no amount of property is worth your life since your children still need you. This is also the reason why you should not abandon them after your husband’s death.